There was a video clip going around a few weeks ago of an interview with Hoda Kotb and Sandra Bullock. The interview touched on so many experiences and feelings that resonated with me.
I, like Hoda and Sandra was older when I became a mother. Sandra was 45, I was 40. I did’t think I was doing things different at the time, I was just doing things on my own timeline. I spent the first 40 years of my life without kids, we traveled, lived in NYC, LA and went out to dinner when we wanted. Now, it’s all about my kids. When Sandra says “Everything is about my kids” I get it. I have no regrets, because I look back on a very full life before they arrived. With all that fullness, it got better. As our children arrived, by two by three…it got better.
I always felt called to adopt. I just knew that my children were out in the world, and I had to find them.
Early on during the waiting period of our first adoption I had a Mamma tell me:
“It may take awhile, but remember it’s not IF, just when”
That bit of advice sustained me. It got me through those months of waiting, months that turned into over a year.
Our first adoption got tied up a few times in paperwork, and forms that were kicked back for us to fix. My best friend, Annette held my hand through this time, she was always there. When others left, because they just didn’t know what to say, she stayed. A few months into ‘the waiting’, a colleague started the process to adopt. Within just a few months they received their notice to travel, and pick up there baby-girl. All the thoughts of why was it so easy for them were swirling in my head. All Annette had to do was look at me, to know what I was thinking. “Because that is not your baby, your baby is not ready to come home yet, their baby needs them NOW”. I knew this, and she knew the right words to bring comfort.
When I first saw their photos, I thought the same thing that Sandra shares…”Oh there you are”. It was perfect. They were the missing pieces.
Then, after being home a few years…my heart kept pulling at me…”You aren’t done yet, go find your babies” I heard the whisper. Then… “Awe, there you are”.
We began the steps to become foster parents. We set up the rooms for our home visits. A twin bed in the boys room, a toddler bed in the girls room, and a crib. Our home and hearts were wide open and ready. Before we knew it….those beds were filled , a toddler girl, a small boy and a baby. It still amazes me that I asked, just by putting these beds and preparing for them and that’s exactly who showed up. My heart knew.
It really is a gut/God thing. I knew every step of the way, and let my heart lead.
“Oh there you are”.