I lost it. It was one of those days. or should I say one of those weeks leading up to one of those days.
Over ten years ago, I had my thyroid removed… completely removed. Because of a combination of procrastination, chaos and yes five kids…I had gone 2 days without my medication. I stopped by the pharmacy to renew it and they said, “Oh it’s on auto-refill for tomorrow. why don’t you just come back then’ oh ok, whatever, never mind I was already 2 days late and this would make a third day, but what the hell. It just makes me tired, cranky and irritable. When I was feeling the full-effects of withdrawal and went back to pick it up yesterday, they said they had no record of it and to come back later, citing a glitch in their computer system.
On to the next errand,a simple trip to fill up the gas tank. My card was declined. WHAT?? I made a detour in my errands and dragged the kids into the calm serenity of the bank…calm until my little terrorizing tribe showed up. With a few taps on the computer keyboard the teller informed me that there had been an accidental hold on my account, just a glitch! So, let’s back up a little bit.
Last week we had a second diagnosis for PTSD in our house. It didn’t surprise me, but it did make me reflective and sad. It also explains the defiant unmanageable behavior we have been dealing with for the last 8-9 months. Then there is my job. I am a freelance marketing consultant and I am extremely grateful that my job allows me the flexibility to put my kids first, and still earn an income. But, this last week was particularly busy, and I was on-boarding several new clients. Georges is a College Art Professor and his job does not offer the same flexibility. As a mater of fact, he works Monday-Thursday leaving at 7:30am and not returning to after 8:00 pm. This creates a ‘single parent atmosphere’ 4 days/nights a week for me.
So that brings us to yesterday morning at Target. Which one of my friends mentioned, when trying to console me…”Oh I am sorry,Target should be your happy place” It should but all odds were stacked against me. By the time we began cruising down those Target isles we could add that the baby was 2 hours past her nap time, and I could not console her consistent screaming! I heard a loud crash, turned around and saw that Bug had reached out of the cart and brought down an entire shelf. That was the moment that I just began to cry. I found my limit for patience, tiredness and an overwhelming feeling of self-pity set in!
Yep…underneath our superhero capes, mommas are real people too! We have our breaking points, and we all need a little support on these shitty days!