I consciously try not to label every little idiosyncrasy that the kids have as an adoption issue. I love to see and hear of the challenges that kids of seemingly together and emotionally stable parents are facing. Not, because I wish those tantrums or outbursts on anyone, but it helps to shed light on the never ending question “Is that a kid thing? Or an adoption thing?”
I have discussed this with both adoptive parents and biological parents. It’s pretty easy for biological parents, they have one category…kid thing. Unless, of course the challenges turn into problems, and they need to discern if there is an actual issue at hand, and need to have professional help brought in. As adoptive parents, when our children act out we wonder, oh is that a result of any unknown trauma’s they faced before coming home (being adopted), or is it just a kid thing, or a serious kid thing or a serious adoption thing. Yes, I know I have been told I over-think things. But in my defense, I believe in giving kids all the tools we can to help them succeed in life. The first step to helping them with emotional issues, is to figure out where the problem is coming from. You wouldn’t go see a dentist for a broken leg.
I was told by our therapist that the most difficult situations when trying to help our children are the children that have experienced trauma pre-verbally. Something happened, but the children can not tell us exactly what it was. So we become ‘trauma detectives’, but always trying to remember, at heart they are all just kids!