The Two Most Frequently Asked Questions About Foster Care

Mother & Child- Gustav Klimt


I could have included this in my post ‘Oh the Things People Will Say’, but there are two big differences with  this post and that one. First, these questions are usually asked by the people I know and love; friends and family. Second, they are usually asked from the heart, the intention behind these questions are 100% sincere, and have our best interests in mind.

 1.  Are you concerned these kids will be ‘messed up’?

True, many of the children that have experienced fostercare, have challenges. These challenges range from learning disabilities to severe behavioral problems. For the most challenging cases, there are special people who step up to be ‘therapeutic foster parents’ these are usually professionals that know how to help these special situations. In our case, we have discussed what we believe to be our areas of understanding, and our limitations and will work with our case worker to have the best situation for both the children and our family. We are able to do  what we are able to do. Just the idea that the children have been separated from the only home (even if that home includes abuse or neglect) is enough to create trauma for the child.  So the simpliest answer is…”yes, there may be challenges, we expect challenges, but no, we are not worried about it. we know that it is expected and we are ready for the challenge. ”  There are over 500 children in fostercare in Wake county (the county we are resisted with) at any given time, so if it’s not us taking on this challenge than who? I know that this question comes out of concern for us…but we believe that every child deserves a home…

          2.  Aren’t You Afraid you will be attached, and then have to let them go?

 Early on in my blog I addressed this. Yes, I think about this everyday. The ultimate goal of fostercare is re-unification with the biological parents. The statistics are 40% of the children are re-united with a biological family member. If my heart does not break a little when they leave our home, then I will not have done my job.  My job as I see it, is to offer them the most loving, normal (as normal is in our crazy home) family experience while they are with us. I would not do this if I didn’t plan to enter into it with an open heart, I believe that if I tried to protect my heart  then I would be cheating them of the family experience they deserve. I ask you…to bring up an old cliché’ “It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all”.  I will not walk away from this challenge.


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